Monday, October 18, 2004

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when
I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance
five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Hello! Today's practical was just like i expected, with a completely A-NOYYING chemistry paper and an all-right physics paper. I guess it's unfair to have both sections butt-easy, then where would the challenge be and its a test where it shows how much you've actually paid attention. Right now, i feel like i haven't done so all year. dear me.
Im having those stupid negative thoughts in my head again, about Australia, and i know, its been like what, my year-long dream to go away, but right now, that you're faced with it, you just want to scream and say, 'I Don't Know!' so sue me. I'm all confused now, and again. Life seems like such a big thing you know, to decide what you want to do when you're just a meagre 16! Sure, i say im grown up now and all that but there are also times when i render myself completely helpless and just wish i could crawl back into bed and not make any major decisions. Deciding what to have for lunch is hard enough.
But then again, we always have to suck it up and go ahead with life. Like the o levels. Its here now and last year, at this time, i would probably be skipping classes and sneaking food into the computer labs. we all change and it's this stupid unexopected things that kinda make you grow i guess. I mean, we're never gonna be ready-enough to handle things the best possible way. We will always look back and say 'if only...' well yea, but 'if only..' is something we say but we never did, and so i guess it's no point me stressing about things now. lets just move on and take things as they come.
mucho love.

had a candy cane at 9:52 PM

Sunday, October 17, 2004

i am so completely drained. i feel like some mutant force has sucked out my energy, i ate cookies and they didnt restore any bit of my energy, this has got to spell disaster. oh well, moving on from the mant dramas of my life, i learnt something yesterday, and to you, it must be the most hilarious thing you've heard, heheeh.here goes: i learnt that busses do go on highways.
okayokay, stop laughing already.
so, anyway, to update you, this brave little girl went to VJC alone yesterday and it was super fun. The busride was interesting because it went by suntec and all that and UP THE HIGHWAYm and i hardly go toplaces like that on buses, so it was like an eyeopener.and i was like some 5 year old kid, seriously. so anyway, i was tons worried that i wouldnt know what stop to get off to for VJC and so there was this guy in the bus who was wearing the vjc uniform so i asked him where to get off and he so kindly told me. and the bonus was tht he was ultra cute so yeah. i seem to be braver when im alone, esp at asking people for directions, usually im a squirmish wreck. hah-hah.
and at the JC itself, the people were a whole lot friendlier than i expected. they were all sunshiney and smiling and shaking your hand.hahaha they seem alot more open to new people. And i arrived just in time to see their mass dance which was hilarious and entertaining.lol.
i saw ling there and it was like, super cool, finally, a friendly face.so yea, i liked vjc.the atmosphere is really friendly and super duper nice. so i think i might wanna go there after all.
then, i went to pjc which was HELL FAR for me, but again, interesting bussride because ive never been to choachukang, okay you can laugh now, and definitely not on a bus so yeah, there you go! i explored singapore in a day. thats quite cool if u ask me. To compare pjc to vjc would be unfair, but i prefer vjc to pjc, no offense though pjc does have a nice building and great atmosphere, like the field seems so open so freeee. yeap.
i'm drained.
I've yet to put a face to your name.
and i've yet to put a name to the word 'you'

had a candy cane at 6:19 PM

Friday, October 15, 2004

heheheeh. im seriously going. like, i got accepted!!! *squeals!* i'm extremely excited and very very very happy, i mean, i was worried about it so much, and now, its like, im set, to go! now, i just have to get emotionally prepared. anyway, i'm going to have to do up a whole list of things to get done, to buy, to prepare... *goes on and on* it could be exciting, doing all this planning, like, i dont know.hahha it would be slightly less impt that a wedding a suppose but its a HUGE thing. going away.im just 16 man.
anyway, i've decided, if i like VJC enough, i'll try out to get in, for the one month. yeap.decisions, decisions, decisions.
today was the last day of school and it affected me more than i can think. I was so overwhelmed with like 'wow' feelings. i didnt think it'd arrive that quickly, im glad i wont have to wake up at 6! but still, the routine of going to school and dragging myself to all my classes is quite comforting, knowing that its like a schedule. hahaha nevermind, you probably wont know what im trying to say. anyway, yeah, i'll miss all of you guys. and i'll miss the yellow and green. lol.
i never missed you, til today.

had a candy cane at 9:26 PM

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

hey.
i feel like i don't belong in your world.or maybe it's just me. thats allright, it doesn't matter if i dont, =).
my world is about to change.soon enough.
NEWS!
headlines: vic will so get accepted into trinity on sunday. *HEHEHE!*
i know.its terribly exciting.and im terribly excited!=)..omg.itd be like a new life, a whole new life, out with the old and in with the new. heheh, i like fresh starts, expescially when this old life is getting kinda dreary.
fresh beginning. i like the sound of that.
anyway, im beginning to HATE this having to decide what jc i want to go to for the first month. for the ONLY month i'll be in a jc. *frowns* i don't think i'd fit into acjc. or any jc for that matter. all my friends dont have the score scores and we all live somewhere else, so we can't go to the same jc.not that i'd fancy it much, i mean, the whole idea of moving on is well, to MOVE ON. so yeah, i'm still very very confused. so, if you have any ideas, then shoot allrightey?
anyway, im excited.about a new start. new beginning.new me. i'll start by walking tall and standing straight.

had a candy cane at 8:40 PM

Monday, October 11, 2004

Je te souhaite les étoiles
Je te souhaite la lumière
Et tout le bien sans le mal
Que je n'ai pas su te faire
Je te souhaite des voyages
Je te souhaite de partir
Vers les plus beaux paysages
Que je n'ai pas su t'offrir
Je te souhaite d'être heureux
Et tellement d'être aimé
D'en prendre tout ce que tu peux
Et autant que tu m'as donné
Je te souhaite tellement fort
Je te souhaite trop d'amour
Prends la vie à bras le corps
Puisque les miens sont trop courts
Je te souhaite de garder
A jamais mes 20 ans
Sans t'arrêter de rêver
Comme je l'ai fait trop longtemps
Je te souhaite tant de rires
Je te souhaite tant de temps
De fuir avant d'en souffrir
Ce que je n'ai pas su comprendre
Je te souhaite d'être heureux
Et tellement d'être aimé
D'en prendre tout ce que tu peux
Et autant que tu m'as donné
Je te souhaite tellement fort
Je te souhaite trop d'amour
Prends la vie à bras le corps
Puisque les miens sont trop courts
Sont trop courts
Je te souhaite d'être heureux
Et tellement d'être aimé
D'en prendre tout ce que tu peux
Et autant que tu m'as donné
Je te souhaite tellement fort
Je te souhaite trop d'amour
Prends la vie à bras le corps
Puisque les miens sont trop courts
Je te souhaite tellement fort
Je te souhaite trop d'amour
Prends la vie à bras le corps
Puisque les miens sont trop courts
Sont trop courts

i still dont know where to go.. what exactly do i want.

had a candy cane at 10:32 PM

Sunday, October 10, 2004

i dont wanna go to where they want me to go. i want to go somewhere else. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO FAR? oh well, life i guess. i can;t have everything.hehehe.at least i got my lamb bag! yeayea!!=)..
am i really that stupid.why does everyone think i am. Nelson was like, no would would say vic is smart right, but she scored so well for her prelims. true.no one ever said im smart.or close to being capable. screw them. i'm smart and you know it. i just dont have to be smart all the time. right? or am i really dumb.
why.

had a candy cane at 5:45 PM

Saturday, October 09, 2004

What you don't see, doesn't represent it's absence

I feel alot less prepared than i should and i know that dajie has been saying that people get into trinity with really mediocre scores and that i shouldn't worry. Thing is, i never doubted that i could get in, i just want to do so well, for me. People look at me and probably think i'm pretty much stupid. I'm not joking, my friends have said it to my face before and it's probably that, that keeps me going and keeps me studying harder. I know i always say i have nothing to prove to these people but let's just say, it's one of those 'wanna-prove -them-wrong-so-imma-do-well' things.
that motivation is working so far.

To drown in sorrow
only to find your ashes
in the trashcan
To be there
Only to realize
they never saw
or even felt
To be brave for them
only to look under your mask
and find the remians of
your own insecurity
To try so hard
only to realize
she never knew
or appreciated
and the flowers
thought you watered
too much, just too much
cared too much,
just too much,
would kill me
so kill me.

had a candy cane at 1:55 PM

Friday, October 08, 2004

So, you've managed to do it again
No worries, actually, I'm pretty much used to it.

moving on!
we have to write little things for each other, like testimonials, so that our form teacher, who hardly knows us, can write us a testimonial for school. oh well, I have yet to write anything about myself so needless to say, i better get started soon. somehow. If you ask me, how are we suppose to write our good qualities if we don't even know. i mean, you could be a big fat bitch and think the world of yourself and if you wrote that then, that testimonial is so gonna be a fake.
geez.
anyway, i went a little insane at school today, i started laughing into blank space. And you know the funny thing was, i was suppose to go out with Nisa, until i realized it wasnt gonna happen, but even before that, i kinda knew it. I seem to always know it. i wasn't suppose to talk about this. okay.moving on.
I have a ton of homework (and i bet everyone is complaining qbout that now, except maybe the sec 1,2 and 3's and the Pri 6's) oh you lucky ducks.
I can feel myself beginning to let go, be lazy all over again.i must not. and i will not.=)
anyway, I'm half excited about going to australia and half a little worried. i mean, it IS a whole new life. oh well, the world is SO HUGE and i could be so much more ifi allowed myself to. so i wont be afraid, and i will be brave=).*please give me strength*
and you, i wish you all the best when i'm not around.
and i do enjoy having the honour of my own company.

all you see are the grey clouds
which cover your eyes
and impairs your vision
from seeing the real color
of the sky
the blue streaked with white
the gold painted red
your eyes,
they cover what you could feel
but the grey, you'd think
would help you through
but they lie,
they make you wallow,
and cry and immerse in selfpity.
Neverending tears all you feel is pain,
because you never appreaciated the sunshine
that wakes with you every morning,
to greet you with a smile,
yet you turn away
just to search for the grey
that will never exist
if only you let the sunshine light up your day.

to resist it's love would kill
the only reason to live
the only reason why we feel
and to resist it's charm
would be a disaster,
to allow your eyes to be blinded
by all the things you flood your mind with
not knowing
that you could be brave enough
to love the sun as much
as the sun loved you,
to accept her arms
and let her wrap around you
and heal you.

had a candy cane at 10:42 PM

Thursday, October 07, 2004

wheee!
i am so going to trinity now! as in.not literally. but i am going..soon enough.hahahah.im so excited.i guess i should be.after all, my grades are an unbelieveable achievement for me, that is. if you told me i'd score what i just did, at the beginning of the year, you'd be branded insane and completely crazy.=)..looks like its not the case now.
im totally glad.oh well, the alicia keys concert awaits.hehehe.
lovelove.
lets see: totaly points: 9
with bonus points:7
subject points:
english-A1
chinese-A1
science(phy/chem)-A1
emath-A1
amath-A2
combined humans-B4
literature-B3
biology-A2
*didi forget anything?
oh well, again, mucho love.=)

had a candy cane at 5:06 PM

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

soulmate stuff: http://lilmisssunshine6.tripod.com/foryou/
yeaap! go there.
anyway, i got back my prelim results. they are pretty good, i must say, if not i'll sound like a complete ingrate. but i am seriously disturbed by my social studies.i mean, i FAILED? i can't believe it. Not that i was any good at it in the first place but i usually get at least a C you know. im just.pretty much...shocked.
lets see.so far i've gotten back english, chinese (which was my o level result), e math, physics and a math.
so yeah. english A1, chinese A1, e math A1, physics A1, amath A2 and socialy studies, a pathetic D7. i know i know, it isnt the end of the world yet. still, it doesnt feel too good.
how can it right?
oh well, toodles. dont forget to sign my guestbook (i just got it up and running)
If I love you, Love You forever Promise me you'll never stop loving me, Never Never-anonymous

had a candy cane at 10:27 PM

Monday, October 04, 2004

for you (i promise i'll find you soon)
i hope you like peanut butter, because i love it
i hope you like oreos, esp when theyre blended in a milkshake.
i hope you agree that dessert is the best part of a meal
i hope you find the clear blue sky a wonder of the world
i hope you love bubbles, esp when they reflect pink and purple
i hope you'll hold my hand when i'm down
i hope you'll try to bake me cookies with extra choc chips on top(i'll still love you if you fail)
i hope you'll never make me drink beer (i got drunk on it once)
i hope you'll tell me if the brownies i bake are not fudgey enough
i hope you wont mind when i start giggling and laughing hysterically.
i hope you'll like snapple apple (if you say it real fast 'snappleapple' its really funny.promise)
i hope you'll like sushi =)
i hope you wont mind eating fried rice often (thats the only thing im good at cooking)
i hope you like the crunchy fries from Mackers coz i like the soggy ones. (we could share )
i hope you'll like whales and cows.
i hope you wont mind that i say sorry to the cows before i eat beef. (theyre actually kinda cute)
i hope you're good at math (or at least better at it than i am) so you can count the household expenses. (hehe) i'll do the grocery shopping.

*will update sooner.

had a candy cane at 8:53 PM

Sunday, October 03, 2004

because i'll cry if i want to

alot of times, you feel so alone, as if you're empyty and numb, then you get all these warped feelings that kinda leads you to one conclusion, your heart is one darn confused organ. seriously. i mean, i cant decide if im happy about who i am right now or worried. Worried because i'm so full of insecurities although i know i could be so much more. or happy-because i've come a long way. From the one who failed at school, to the one people actually think, is smart. i don't know. sometimes i get a bit confused too. people use this word all too often-confused. Twisted emotions. so so twisted.
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. i'll sing this to you when i find you.

had a candy cane at 9:14 PM

Saturday, October 02, 2004

*i know that people say tt opposites attract
if thats the truth then we should be together forever
its like ive got nothing to do
but think about you*
i feel absolutely irritated with maths now, and i think ive just developed a phobia of it. well, for now, at least.
I just wanna take a break, without thinking at all about work.nothing at all. yeaahh.that'd be pretty awesome. hahaha, lately, i feel nothings quite good enough,can you believe i even think my blog is too ugly? or that it's hardly cool. dear me. i'm seriously disturbed.
i love life, and i'm gonna live it the best i can.=)
-you're it! you're the ultimate.-

had a candy cane at 9:52 PM

Friday, October 01, 2004

how come you didnt tell me you were sick
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you take medicine everyday
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you feel like you're taken for granted
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you feel like you're being treated like dirt
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you felt like dying sometimes
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me she drives you crazy with rage
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you feel pessimistic sometimes
you didnt ask
how come you didnt tell me you wanted me to know
you didnt ask
how come you never ask. if im tired, if im allright, if im still holding on
well now you know.
know how you're expected to be a way, to ask a way? Who sets these expectations because im tired of it. im tired of being the same old trustworthy one, who's always there. when they call, when they come to aschool early, when they're in need of someone who's freakin stupid enough to actually care. it hasn't always been about me, so they can't say im selfish.
oh god, i have so much more to say, and i wish i could, but i cant. because im expected not to.

had a candy cane at 7:33 PM