Wednesday, September 29, 2004

bonjour.
i feel tres triste. i went to the WWF website and it makes me feel so down when all i can do is email people e-cards trying to get them to be interested in helping to save this world we live in. im not much of a nature person, i detest birds, i dont like mud or for that matter, being in forests or anything of that sort, but i can still help the world right? its not like i have to be there personally to admire earth and all its splendour. From photgraphs, they look just as alluring. so why wont people help the world? i try doing things to help, i dont use the airconditioner much now, i dont eat sharks fin, i dont eat the herbal jelly dessert that people love because its made of a part of a turtle. i dont waste paper, i try to save as much as i can, i dont litter and i try not to use too many plastic bags. i dont waste food and i dont waste water. so why do i still feel like i havent done anything to help this place.
i love whales.i really do, esp killer whales. i love lotsa animals too and as much as im afraid of being near them physically, i dont want them to die. i really dont, and i want them to be happy. i know it sounds stupid and childish and possibly ditzy too, well if im a ditz, at least i care. half the world is filled with rich people who can do something to help and the only reason why the even bother donating money is for publicity, i wonder if they really care. i wish they would just implement the policy of bringing your own bags during grocery shopping to help the earth. sure, we need plastic bags, but half the time i see them strwen by the roadside or in the seas. this doesnt make sense.
okay, i dont always save the earth but i try. maybe not hard enough huh.
i promise i'll try harder. =)
anyway i was just having one of those self-improvement thoughts running through my mind. Sometimes when i think about what i say and what i do, it seems so dumb, so shallow. well, does that make me a shallow person who does not know anything important about the earth. i mean, do i really only care abt my clothes or if my socks match? i'd like to think im worth more than that you know. I wouldn't want to walk around and find people only remember me as the girl who spent half her life worrying if her hair was fine or if her shoes were clean. I have ideas, i have opinions, i dont even know if i say them out loud. I dont necessarily have to be one stereotyped person. it doesnt mean i HAVE to be a complete bore if i love saving the world and it also doesnt mean im an idiot who a bimbo brain for liking to have nice clothes. i just realized, no one ever comes to talk to me about important things. they only come to me if they need someone to go out with, or someone with fashion advice. or someone who justs laughs alot. what about an intelligent conversation? if i portrayed myself as an idiot, i'd have done alot more dumb things, and if my character is to be happy, it doesnt mean im incapable of having serious thoughts. i dont only watch chick flicks, i watch shows that matter too, like discovery channel. Even my closest friends dont call until they need something.
wait, what am i doing, i dont have to prove anything. i dont have to justify whatever i do. im not harming anyone, in fact im helping people. you know what my warped brain, i think i like being a little silly sometimes and serious other times. i just wish people would take me seriously. do you even take yourself seriously vic?

entangled emotions
known to non
beating hearts
together as one
him to her
her to him
feelings suddenly dare to begin
she sits on a step
wishing he is
doing the same
thinking the same
feeling the same
-victoria

had a candy cane at 5:23 PM

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

here i go
now you know
what i feel about about you
there's no running
and i've fallen so now you know

hello! im at school now waiting for some SAJC talk to begin. you know the ACJC talk today was totally like.wow coz i felt like going to ACJC!! i know..ive got plans to go away and study somewhere else but i mean, its only normal to want to follow the norm and stay here before going abroad right? so yeah. im not sure if i want to go now. actually im quite certain.just some doubt about the future, you know..if i can cope or not..and i mean, i'll need my mom!
oh yeah.=)
anyway, cant wait for 16th oct! it'd be fun..well, that is if i decide to go and if im actually calm enough to go. its hardly 10 years away to my o's you know. but nonetheless, i never give up a chance to have fun! so yeah, see you.
tooodles.

had a candy cane at 10:45 AM

Monday, September 27, 2004

heyy.. okay this is a way overdue entry i should have posted like a million years ago. so recent happenings(okay not so recent)
1) passed my chi's o's! hahaha this weirdo got an A1. i know.unbelieveable for someone who sounds tres funny when speaking this language.
2) found 2 crushes.hahaha okay its just a joke! im still happy alone.yeaaap!
3) decided to really really go for my chef job. i love cooking!
4) decided to be more confident
5) still besties with nissy.

okiedokez! thats about it.. life's still pretty much intact. i just had my prelims and though it was pretty scary at first (obviously) the fact that its now over, makes you feel quite happy. like an unexplainable glee just knowing uve jumped past another one of those weird hurdles. i guess we all worry too much about things before they even hit you, like the prelims and whatnots and somehow we manage to deal. i hate being a worrywort.

had a candy cane at 1:01 PM