Friday, February 27, 2004

am i suppose to be happy? am i suppose to be ecstatic? am i suppose to be perky and happy for everyone? well im not. and im not gonna be there for anyone and im not gonna listen to anyone cry ot help anyone right now.no i wont. i know it's selfish but im not gonna be sympathetic and im not gonna be tolerant.i'm just throwing a tantrum now and i have a right to. okay so no one said i can't but yeah, no smiles. im tired.im worn out, im pissed and im not gonna hide it.
phew.i feel better now, after being mean, but still, i hate it.screw this damn world and selfishly, in the back of my head, i want everyone to be miserable. sigh. donttake wht im saying to heart im just being a grump.
so to hell with being happy.who wants to be happy anyway. my back aches i fel like puking and oh wow, my auditions are next wed and i cant fuckin find a song thats right. WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY.i shldnt i know i shldnt but i do. oh wow vic, now you've become all conscious? oh screw this. i can hardly breathe properly, a girl i thought was my friend doesnt even bother if im sick or not and shes suchhhhh a major bitch i dont even know WHY i care and hellhellhelll, and if she reads this shes gonna think im a bad person. OH FUCK YOU.

had a candy cane at 6:29 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2004

so i threw up 4 times yesterday and i still feel dead tired today but it's allright. i just watched legally blonde and i feel *laughs* empowered. im serious! it's like sometimes i feel like a total idiot coz everyone else is so smart but after you watch this show you go like, know what? if elle can do stuff like that, i can too. okay so its just a damn movie but if it can get me to feel motivated bout my life then id say its a brilliant movie. so yeap! wheeheee! go me!

had a candy cane at 10:05 AM

Saturday, February 21, 2004

without youuu.where do i belong..*sings* i've finally found my song. *screams* yeaa!! hahaah, if you've heard me the past few weeks ive been practically going insane finding the PERFECT song. and wheee.. i found it. its saturday, i wish he's here...it's SATURDAY, he HAS to be here. but nooo, he's somewhere else, i dont know where..just not where i want him to be.*frowns* maybe tomorrow?
today i did some work coz my tests are here..i know i know, this isa TRES IMPORTANT year for me and i AM working..really. so yeap, just one step at a time.
yeap. *smiles* believe in me allright?

had a candy cane at 7:43 PM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

screw all this dumb shit.okay im being bitter. like totally grinch-ed up and i cant help it. i wanted the world to be miserable, to be unhappy...why? WHY? im turning into someone who doesnt appreciate anything. this sucks. inside me my hearts turning round and i can hardly breathe, my minds in a mess and i cant speak.i dont want to speak. i feel numb. i dont want to feel numb. i want to feel all the emotions raging through me but im left here-alone. numb
i really wanted to be happy. i wanted to be independant but sometimes im left alone. again, with nothing to feel cheery about. ditzy vic..perky vic..they left.im left with me. the one who got lost somewhere .

had a candy cane at 10:44 PM