Kiss the Rain
[spare me]
arghhh..SPARE me your stupid talk okay! if you are so smart, why dont you self-reflect? if you two were that close, you wouldnt even have yto talk to me you big dumb knuckle head.argh.just spare me ok?
anyway, i dont need you talkin to me about how sad your life is because ive got matters of my own.
i have someone accusing me of sth i didnt do
i have someone telling me how im doing all things wrong
i have a grandfather i love lying on the hospital bed now, struggling to live day to day okay
so why dont you take your fucking crap somewhere else and kiss my ass goodbye.
ah.im tired of being nice.and im tired of seeing people 'for more they are'
im tired of being there and im sick and tired of your sad stories. so piss of./
you're crampiN my styLe.
had a candy cane at 9:41 PM
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pourquoi les gens ne l'obtiennent-ils pas ? Je SEUL ME SENS ! je SUIS ABANDONNÉ PAR L'AMOUR de PEOPLE I COMME PARVEEN ET DAWN et moi pas sensation de know.i IRRÉELLE et NON DÉSIRÉE et inutile ! me lisez-vous ? parce que je déteste crier ceci hors de tout le temps laissez-moi l'admettre. Je SUIS SEUL !
est-ce que n'importe qui égalise le soin ? savent-ils ? Je SUIS SEUL ET SEUL et moi AYEZ BESOIN DE VOUS ! j'ai besoin de vous tellement et il n'y a personne quand j'ai besoin de vous que les most.i n'ont pas besoin de votre souci seulement quand im triste j'ai besoin de vous ici, avec moi, toute l'heure. je sais qu'elle est égoïste mais j'aie besoin que de vous les types vous ne voient pas ? je ne peux pas manipuler seule la vie. ainsi où êtes-vous QUAND j'ont besoin DE VOUS LES TYPES ?
je me sens comme j'ai juste perdu tous mes amis.
translation: i AM ALONE AND WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU?
had a candy cane at 6:20 PM
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someone tell me, what are best friends?
had a candy cane at 8:19 PM
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I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
had a candy cane at 4:43 PM
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HIGHLIGHTS OF MY DAYYYY
ooohlala...here goes:
-hiphop with parv and siti
-NEW PANTS!
-yummmmyyy lunch
-picture taking with parv
-bestfriend time
[hiphop with parv and siti]
yesterday siti asked me she could go for hiphop with me.obviously yes she can! and it was soo exciting coz siti has never come hiphop with me before.it was funnnn.during my wait for her, this volunteer teacher from pakistan came and spoke to me! she was talkin abt some mormon book or something. scaryy.she gave me her number and all and asked me for mine! i was so freaked i didnt know what to do and when i told my dad after that, he said that i must be damn careful.coz like apparently singapore bans their type of teaching becuase they are seen as a 'sect' and it isnt recgonised here. and all that. like theyre not allowed to build a church here and all.freakkkyyyy.i was so afraid she might put black magic on me.haha.im nuts. anyway, parveen called earlier today too and said that she didnt go for guides and asked if she could come with me to hiphop. and so yeah.after hiphop, me and her went shoppping and yeah.it was GREAT. totally AWESOME!
[new pants!]
i was walking around heeren with parv and we saw that Manbo was having a 50% off so we went in and took a look.and i saw these pnts-to die for!!they were like 50+ after discount and ive been seraching for cropped pants for ages! oOoh.so i went to get them but i called my dad before that and he wouldnt allow me to buy them! even with my OWN money.urghh.so i spoke to my mom and sicne she wanted to get me these 70 dollar pants yesterday, she said okay to these.but i hadda pay for them myself. not that i was unwilling to. hahaha.so YAY! i got myself awesome fantabulous pants!=)
[yummmyyy lunch]
parv and i went to crepes and cream for lunch and we had a great meal and now im BLOATED to the max..the food was uber fabb.and parveen actually bought me lunch! shes sooo sweeet!!..shes just soo nice.
[picture taking with parv]
me and parv went picture crazy today! hahaha.we went to take neoprints and all.it was sooo funny.we were laughing like mad in the picture booth.hahahah.and we looked so funny in the pictures but it was really memorable and fun..i wouldnt have wanted it ANY other way.parv if youre reading this : you rock girl.i love yaaaa!!=)
[bestfriend time]
today rocked so much im blown off my feet.i had a great time with parv and i loved my lunch and the pics we took an my pants and everything.thanks so mcuh parv...=)
had a candy cane at 4:53 PM
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vous jouiez seulement avec moi le coeur, je n'attendiez jamais ces larmes pour le commencer étiez vous qui a fait les larmes tomber en bas de lui était vous qui a brisé mon coeur dans les morceaux.
had a candy cane at 9:51 PM
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[dumb]
mrs gek and ms chia are sooo dumb. dumb beyond dumb.
mrs gek: every single time i go to report to her for morning run, she asks me the same dammit question EVERYDAY"why u not running? sick ah!' with the accusing tone of hers when she knows damn well that I HAVE A 6 MONTH EXEMPTION from running.what a doof. cant she get ANY smarter or is she just out to prove to me how dumb she is. gawd. shes such a lame-ass cow. she can remember my name, remember my class but never my 6 month exemption. dude! fill your head with something useful will ya?
ms chia: beyond words to describe. rude, unreasonable, a plain slave driver. keeeeps accusing me of NEVER running.never and NOT are two god-dammit different words with DIFFERENT MEANINGS u dumb knuckle headed bitch. like erm hello? i have my medical exemption coz i need time for my scars to heal! i even have a letter! and the worse part is being accused of something i didnt do. and when i do my best to please her like get her a letter when she demands for it, she STILL has more bullshit to complain about. argh. beyond stupid. shes a no-good, useless stupid piece of shit. and shes always saying how i never lose weight. well, i plan on being this way, thankewverymuch. not some cliche stickthin girl okay so get off my case already u ruse doofhead.
i cant stand it.theyre driving me nuts.miss chia keeps picking on me like her life depended on it. shouldnt her menopause be OVER?
shes probably hormone unbalanced and mentally impaired. even the dumb can understand me better than her.
argh.
useless piece of doofhead.
KISS MY ASS.
had a candy cane at 7:23 PM
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argh.feeling soo unwanted right now.but i guess no one knows. or cares.or wants to know.
anyway, today was the syf.it was real fun.heh..like erm, we were treated like real stars coz mr m didnt want us to destroy our make up by sweating and stuff so we got to stay in the airconditioned with whole entire time while the people were out there sweating and getting all the props ready.heh.how much fun can THAT be.hahaha.the make up was pretty freakin freaky.haha.mine was quite WEIRD.blue eyeshadow and cotton candy piNk lipstick.then again, its stage makeup, so it prolly didnt look as bad as i thought it did on stage. yeahhhh.=) everyone said i looked nice..compliments, compliments,compliments.
and like erm,michelle was really nice and all.so was josh and liNg and stef and erm.everyone.like shamini and shoba too.they were just hugging me and telling me goooood luck.it made me feel better. and once i got on stage, it didnt feel as traumatizing as i thought it would so yeah, alls well.=)
the judges were imprssed according to mr m. one judge even gave him this pile of audition booklets for the nanyang accademy of fine arts drama audition.hmMm... honestly, where do you think the judge was from? anyway, mr m said that the judge was impressed by josh (war chief), liNk (peace lover) and me(space bimbo).hahahaha.which is kinda cool coz my role was all that majoR.cOol eh?
oh well, gots ta goooo..
see ya
had a candy cane at 8:27 PM
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feeling totally bimbotic right now. its all Mr m's fault.im suppose to be this real bimbotic chic who's like the head pilot of this aircraft thingamajig. dont see how THATS gonna work.anyway, tomorrow's the day-the day where im gonna be on stage..for less than 3 minutes.hahaha. anyway, im acting tomorrow in the singapore youth festival drama competition.,honestly, i dont see how i can act. i feel so doofy and dumb.
who says Leo's are born for the limelight? im sooo not ready
had a candy cane at 6:34 PM
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had a candy cane at 9:15 PM
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frustrationnnn...
anyway, im tired and hungry and tres sleepy.
ahh.irritable level: 101% on a high
had a candy cane at 10:24 PM
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Do you you still act reckless and crazy?
You know how crazy that made me
that's what I hate about you (oooh)
it's what I love about you
Do you still look your best when you're angry?
Do you know how much stress that you gave me?
It's what I hate about you
what I love about you (ooh)
Do you still like playing your guitar when it's hard to
find the words to say, yeah?
Do you still go driving through the mountains when
you feel you gotta run away?
Do you still find it hard to sleep?
Do you have everything you need?
I gotta know, baby (yeahhh oohh yeah)
had a candy cane at 9:33 PM
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ohmygod.WHAT A FUCKING LOSER!
"vic shut up and get a life. Stop being such a possessive friend. You dont own anyone. You should be happy u had them on ur worst night. wake up your ideas lah. sandhya. sad to see ur personal life is so bad. maybe things at home are bad but its ur job to make it work. no one chooses their family." <--this was a note left by sandhya's friend.what the hell is wrong with this world~ WHY IS IT THAT MY FEELINGS AND HOW I REACT TO THINGS HAS TO BE JUDGED BY PEOPLE I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW.this is not about letting it get to me.its about talking abt MY personal life and scolding me for having one! DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL? probably not. im feeling cheated and afraid and lost. and what i need now is a hug and a smile from my FRIENDS.not some stupid sarcastic remark by a nobody who goes around preening into someone else's life. get that straight up ur crapfilled asshole.
u mothafucker.
urgh.
had a candy cane at 8:48 PM
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monotony found me
had a candy cane at 8:01 PM
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so yeah. trying hard doesnt work. no one cares and nothing seems to matter anymore. dust is dust.nothing more nothing less.even if it held the key to a thousand treasures, it remains dust. nothing more, nothing less.
life likes to make a fool of me. leave me alone when i need people around the most. yeap.life does that.and friends do too. maye im wrong. but i dont think i am. its either im good at acting or people choose not to see.either way, my message doesnt get across.simple as that.
people tell me that they'll always be around for me when i need them. tell you something: if someone says that to you, theyre lying. they wont admit it.but once i they tell it to you, they forget almost instantly and ure left there wondering, 'hey, i thought u said ud be here when i needed you' . dont take their word for it.
sometimes, im gullible.everyone says i am. maybe i am. maybe thats why im the one always hurting in the end., the one still holding on foolishly to what was left of yesterday's dust.and the day before's and the day before before's. but i cant let go of it. its not that simple. sometimes when i want to tlk to her, i cant even do that.coz in her heart, i dont stand in second place even. im just there for her. when she needs me. but i cant find her when its my turn. i cant. i dont even know if she really exists or did god just decide to take her away. ive lost so many friends, i shld be used to it by now.but guess what, im not. why do i even bother trying to save something ive never had in the first place. is there even a point in doing that. i doubt.
maybe im destined to be stuck like this forever-friends coming and going as fast as water flowing. best friends, lucky if it exists for you.coz it doesnt for me.
i tried,
i held on
but it always manages to slip through my fingers.
had a candy cane at 6:26 PM
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you know there are somethings that are in need of some solving right now.and right now, it's us. US- as in s3v. we're NOT clique. we're just 4 best friends, lost somewhere and we cant go back. we're distracted by other 'more important things' and those other more important things are naturally, not s3v. it's never s3v. it's someone's birthday party or family outing or class outing or ccas..it's just never s3v. i hate to say this but i think we're all to blame. we're all so caught up in so many other things, we dont realize how important s3v is and will be to us until we're on the briNk of 'no more' dont you see, we're lost already.and this time, we dont have a map or a compass. if we dont find the way with our hearts, we'll be lost forever. find someone else, and remain there. never bothering to look anymore. and all we ever have left are memories and 'what ifs'.. all thats left is the dust to call our own. nothing more, nothing less. dust of yesterday.
had a candy cane at 7:04 PM
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at school now-waiting for SYF drama to commence. i was late and thats not usually how i am and somehow, whenever i wanna be late so that i dont have to wait for the rest, i end up never being late.coz theres ALWAYS someone later than me. which bascially wasnt my point of being late.
its been over an hr i guess. and it isnt fair that we have to wait. *touch me and u'll die*
feeling really awful now. my ulcers arent helping and everything isnt going right. im ignored by people i thought were my friends and i get given the cold shoulder if theyre unhappy. why do i even bother trying to please others. i just get chucked away once my expiry day is here. i guess im expired to alot of people. sandhya's got her own friends, serene's busy with NDP and her boyfriend and sook, has choir so often it bogs her down.poor girl. poor all of them.
why am i being punished because my best friends are busy. parveen's got guides and tuition too often for me to remember and here i am, alone again.
dawn has her daydream states of mind and doesnt even hear me calling her even when im right smack next to her. i dont like repeating myself as much as you dont like me repeating myself.
thats the way it is. im sorry.
had a candy cane at 1:12 PM
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heyy..im annoyed, frustrated, guilty and stupid. feeling awful right now. sigh.things always happen at the wrong time for me.then again, i shouldnt complain TOO much because ive had my fair share of coincidental instances. eg: my nike shoes and meeting Parveen. so yeah.fineee. im being ungrateful now. this is not going well.
my oral exam is tomorrow. with 3 ulcers ALL OVER MY MOUTH, im sure it'd be a breeze. together with my stuffed nose, it's an unbeatable pair. right.
all you have to do is say no.
had a candy cane at 9:28 PM
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had a candy cane at 8:08 PM
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somehow right now, alot of things dont make sense. im feeing jealous of people having the things i crave for every single day and they dont even have the talent and they have it. maybe coz theyre born somewhere else.lucky them. sometimes i feel hthat i have all the faith in the world and i'll succeed no matter what. but most of the time, my feet's on the ground, i know it'll never happen. people say you'll never know. but deep down they know how impossible it is. thats what friends are for. to make ur day brighter. but im realizstic in a way, i know whats going on.
sometimes i feel that i can never trust again. probably not. i dont maytter as much as i think i do. and im naive for beliveing in you and you. im naive and gullible. and my moms certain i'll never be independant. not like my elder sister or my younger sister. i'l never be strong. theyre certain. they know. but do they?
had a candy cane at 8:44 PM
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I'm Miranda Sanchez!
Take the "Which Lizzie McGuire Character Am I" quiz!
had a candy cane at 12:20 PM
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heyy..i had my hair cut! hahha.me and parveen went on saturday. like it was 10 bucks.=).and its nice i guess.everyone says its nice.but yeah. so ive found a new way to do my hair like a style thing but erm..its kinda positively troublesome to have to do it ALL the time.
anyway.just had SYF drama practice. i guess im quite a psyco freak. when everyone was standing on the stage and rehearsing their lines, it wasnt my part yet so i started dancing! haahha. in front of theses people i didnt know and all and my friends.hahaha.it was funny.i swear. =Pp.i felt good tho.coz i didnt care what others thought abt me.
today i saw a cute guy.i asked him for directions coz i was erm kinda lost in ACS barker.hahaha. so yeah.he has a really kinda and sincere look.*awwww on cue* yeap.=) oh right.im feeling totally fat today.have i told you that? BECAUSE I DO! realllyyyy fat. like i dont look nice.=(. not tt i care abt what tohers think.but i care abt what i think.*sigh*
let me mope.
had a candy cane at 4:48 PM
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today's independance day. so, happy independence day!=)..i wore red, blue and white today. i had my bandana up and a ponytail.i was kinda debating whether to put it on or not because it seems to, un-natural of me because im the usual ponytail kinda girl. i dont normally let my hair down or anything.so today, putting the bandana on kinda meant something. it kinda meant that i was being 'brave' for once and not worrying about how i looked.its tiring you know, worrying abt how you look and all so sometimes, i think being who you wanna be is the best.just go out and do ur thang.and never worry abt people judging you because the most critical judge is you.=). so i felt good today.when i had my bandana on and i felt 'new' and i felt different! and a bonus was that michelle adored my hair (she even asked how i did it) and dawn said i looked great.so yeah.im feeelin so good, just doin what i should, been takin care of myself like i should.=)
i read nisa's blog just now and shes really a brave person. she isnt having the easiest time of her life in a few aspects but somehow, after some cheerin up, she's always ready for 'battle', all over again and i admire her for being brave and honest about how she feels. sometimes, i pretend i feel something so that the people around me wont be upset or angry with me. and so sometimes, i just show them how i really feel so they know im a 'dont mess with me' kinda girl coz im never gonna let someone walk all over me. im worth much more=)
so yeah. to nisa: im soo proud of you for being strong and brave. your really a special sister to me.and thanks so much for letting me know that u'll always be here for me. and i'll always be there for you.=) youre da girl.=)
had a candy cane at 7:35 PM
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okay.i realizedf i havent written for awhile. tomorrow's independence day! hahha.how cools that? im gonna go all-american tomorrow to school.since we're allowed to wear our own clothes. im gonna wear a red top and blue pants and white shoes.hahaha.lol.im crazy.=)
anyway.i talked tp parveen and shes coming!! for my party.oooohyeaaa...=).im soo excited.this might be the BEST birthday party so far.though i always loved just having it with my family.=).i love my mom and dad.yayy!hahaha.=).i feeling really good today.no idea why.during drama, i was smiling and laughing and cracking up so much i forgot my lines.hahaha.and i was being all balloooonneeeyyyy.=)..it was great!! i love it.i loved my day.i love
je vous aime vraiment.(i really love you)...this is for alll my friends!=)..
ciaozy!=)
had a candy cane at 9:20 PM
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